GALLERY | LVNDRxINDOCTRINATION

Artist Statement

As an artist I explore and develop spaces as access points to a queer understanding; my work examines the complex experiences of a trans-feminine being in early 21st century America. In order to capture these personal histories and observations I incorporate performance, video documentation, intermedial installations and written word. At the center of my work lies an abject, or abstract beauty. I search for and utilize industrial products that apply specifically to each work, either for visual impact or conceptual cohesion. Because of accessibility and variety, DIY and wholesale services provide an impressive selection of the raw steel, colorful plastic sheeting, mylar, barbed wire, hosing, plaster, or other materials I feature in my practice. Maybe one of my most important materials is the body. I am transfixed by the body, mine in particular, and will take any opportunity to engage with it in dialogue. This interest in my physical form and contemporary interpretations of feminist theory, queer history, and trans-intimacy assemble the backbone of my interests and lend themselves heavily to my works, often being embedded bluntly through on the nose representation, subversively within symbolism, or academically with accompanying essays and supplementary texts.. To merge these vastly different materials and mediums I find myself engaging in several very different processes throughout my studio hours– one day I may be 3D-scanning and casting a form of my body with my blood suspended in it, the next I may be welding or editing down hours of video footage or just writing a poem. This helps me make certain my work is always refreshing to me and my audience and leaves a lot of room for experimentation. My body of work thrives off of its contrasting industrial construction and soft bodily imagery, and is brought to life by my vulnerability and varied research.

"WHAT MORE COULD THEY WANT?"

2022

Installation and performance with pink bolt cutters, plaster cast feet shackled and chained, Sharpie on newsprint, print outs of obituaries of queer persons lost to violent hate crimes, hate maps, and anti-queer legislation, and some old wedding dress.

A direct reaction to my research into the scapegoating of Gay Marriage and so called "bathroom politics", the rise in hate groups and crimes against LGBTQIA+ people, and the inherent threat of queerness to the cis-heterosexist patriarchy, this installation stands as a congregation of my studies in the later half of 2022.

What More Could They Want

Documentation of initial install

Threat_UPL04

Threat_UPL05

What More Could They Want

Documentation of initial install

1/6

Bio Permanence

Documentation of initial install

BioPermanence_UPL03

BioPermanence_UPL01

Bio Permanence

Documentation of initial install

1/3

"Abject Permanence"
2022
Labeled Blood Vial (Birth Name, Assigned Sex at Birth, Birth Date etc.), and blood of the artist suspended in Gel Wax with acrylic stand

During the Fall of 2022 I completed a course on Anatomy and Physiology. Though informational and familiar I had not approached such a course since the beginning of my transition in early 2020, and had no idea the insurmountable amount of dysphoria I’d be greeted with. For context, at some point in most trans peoples life-time we will be subjected to the harassment and rhetoric that “scientists in the future will look at your bones and know you were a man” (or woman prospectively), and most of us, as with all other harassments, will have to simply shrug it off as to avoid a hate crime or further harassment. This matter of biological permanence has however continued to linger in my existential doubts. It sincerely troubles me that a medical technician could inspect my blood, my genes, my muscles or my bones and conclude atrocious assumptions about my life and biology, and so I’ve brought into existence this piece. Beginning with a 3D scan of my entire body I whittled away until just the torso was left, I cast myself in the softest flesh of transparent wax, and I filled it with my blood; drawn by my mother, a medical technician herself, and she responsible for my lone cherished X chromosome.

This sculpture stands as a temporary and biologically abject symbol of my biological dread and permanence.

Thank you Mom.

“Oh no way, no way, oh hell no…” | “... At least I’m Flat”

a study on personal and social perspectives on trans bodies through motion and scones

Hobo Johnson Loves my Coochie

2022

Homemade sculpted lemon scones with mayonnaise filling, Twine, women's underwear, a bit of force, and a few drops of dysphoria

This is what I did. This is what I did to hide myself from myself. This is what I did to hide myself from them, from you. This is what I did, knowing what it would do, what it would be like. This is what I did despite the discomfort, despite the nausea, despite the constant He, Him, His; Faggot, twink, tranny. This is what I did because otherwise I could not leave my house, and when I did, when I tried, I’d panic and turn right back around; running home, to the bathroom to hide myself within myself. This is what I did because I couldn’t stand it, feeling it there between my thighs.

Now, with the medication, care, and love from my partners I do not often feel the need to do what I did. This time-art piece was created to document the urgent and necessary ritual of tucking that perpetuated my younger years as a trans individual and the discomfort, damages, and realness of the act. Too often in today's media do I feel that tucking is undermined or misunderstood by consumers of Drag content or trans allies. This content or these allies seem to depict it as either a point of humorous education, ie “My dick is taped to my asshole!” type commentary, or some act of weird performed sympathy. Although awareness is important, it seems to me that there is a lack of representation which results in a higher volume of insensitive questions and commentary, or just a lot of questions in general. Due to this observation and my own desire to unpack the act for myself I chose to depict the act of tucking in a performative, exaggerated and destructive manner to better telegraph the internal turmoils many individuals like myself face when considering their genitals.

Title wise I was inspired by my contemporaries and some comedic thoughts that could not be laid to rest until presented on a title card. “Oh no way, no way, hell no…” was the reaction I was greeted with by classmate Greg Baranyk when executing my performance Trap or Treat– a commentary on trans fetishism in which I stood bound on stage with rancid cinnamon rolls stitched to my underwear for my participants to consume, the phrase “Do I Spark Your Appetite?” painted in pink and suspended behind me. Baranyk’s reaction broke the formal silence of the piece and has carried with me all semester distilled in a vague cloud of transphobic suspicion. A | acts as a barrier, separating Baranyk’s comment from another phrase that stuck with me during a constructive chat with classmate Kaitlynn Lyzenga. In this studio encounter with Lyzenga they shared the all too common sentiment that resonates within the trans community: “... at least I’m Flat.” alluding to the desire to erase protruding biological sex characteristics through potentially harmful means of tucking or binding. The middle chunk of the title serves to call back to the essay like form many of my artistic studies parallel and sprout from, as well as provide minor context for the final verse which comedically states, “Hobo Johnson Loves my Coochie”. This reference grasps at lines from the bands NPR Tiny Desk 2018 debut audition track, Peach Scone. In this signature piece lead singer Frank Lopes Jr. diverts nearly confessing his love to an unnamed crush by tangenting about his love for scones singing, “So I don't know what to tell you If I try to confess my love for… Scones! I just wanna say something real quick, please shh, listen; I love– These scones. Just the diversity between the selection they have here, the blueberry, the raspberry, strawberry, pumpkin even which is basically a friggin' squash. How they gonna make a scone out of a freaking squash?”. This fumbled confession dwelled in my mind during the process of this project and quickly became a personal allegory for trans intimacy, acceptance, and transformation.

I spent a lot of time debating the form and materiality of this piece before arriving at the worn garment in the final product. I had bounced from gel wax, silicone, to mache and I’d even considered making it an interactive activity with personal puff pastries for my participants. Eventually practicality and method of display caught up with me and guided me to the decision to create this conversational piece with the more rigid and form friendly pastry of the scone. The choice of using a baked material was also inevitably informed by the deep history of women, the home, and baking as well as the point of contention that is the patriarchal confinement of women bakers to the home and the misogynistic praise and gatekeeping of professional bakers having to be male (historically).

SmashingKen

1/4

"Smashing Ken"
2022
Performance stills with Pink acrylic, hammer, Mattel Ken Doll, and force

An experimental demonstration of force, I performed through the hammer: an extension and embodiment of femininity, feminism, and misandry. Breaking Ken: a subject so inherently masc. and mundane that it practically begs to represent misogyny, patriarchy, and capitalism. Through these means I sought to display my own experiences with feminine rage, from the gentle nurturing act of painting my tool all pretty, to sending little pieces of Ken flying all around my studio in a fit of violence. With this display I hoped to catch a glimpse into my own disgust with our patriarchal landscape, the power of femininity, and the depleting nature of everyday resistance that entangles itself in the fibers of feminine resistance.

As with much of my work this year, this piece drew inspiration from both Leslie Jameson's "Grand Unified Theory of Female Pain", and Valerie Solanas' "SCUM Manifesto".
Both are linked below.

https://www.vqronline.org/essays-articles/2014/04/grand-unified-theory-female-pain

https://editions-ismael.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/1968-Valerie-Solanas-S.C.U.M.-Manifesto.pdf

"Trap or Treat"

2022

Performance documentation with Altered (spoiled) pastries, mayonnaise, women's undergarments, embroidery thread, V leather cuffs, newsprint and pink acrylic, and audience participation

As a trans-feminine individual the world I inhabit is full of a near infinite amount of misconceptions and ill placed thoughts on my being. Trans women like myself are subject to daily fetishization. This heinous act is reinforced through misinformation and assumptions constructed around our apparent “sensual feminine appeal” and the patriarchal objectification that follows– along with the blindly transphobic assumption that we possess “inherently masculine dominance” and a “heavily predatory nature”. These upsetting misconceptions are pushed through “trans politics'' and even more predominantly through pornography.

In this work I wanted to explore the consumption of Trans-Women and other queer peoples through both a pornagraphic lens and in the daily context. Because of a lack of education and social stigmas surrounding our community we have become fetish objects to many, so that even those who oppose our rights and existence get off on our being. This can be exceptionally illustrated by the way a lot of trans pornography is marketed; posted under nauseatingly dysphoric titles like “Big Tranny Cock In The Rio De Janeiro Motel!”, “Real Life Futanari Compilation - Shemales with Huge Cocks”, and “Three Stunning Transsexuals Fuck Each Others Warm Mouths and Tight Assholes''. Titles like this only exist to appeal to hoards of predatory individuals jerking off to their own internalized transphobia. In a day and age when trans-women are under constant threat of assault it is increasingly alarming to see this kind of media so accessible and so prevalent.

With this in mind, I sought to orchestrate a performance that would subversively implicate the participant in the fetished consumption of myself, a trans-woman. In this performance I, the subject, stands– knowingly bound, and aware. My attire consists of a soft sculpture piece: a bra and panties adorned with Cinnamon-Rolls upon each breast as well as the groin. The performance begins when a trusted proctor introduces themselves and initiates the piece, stating, “She is here, you may step forward and consume her”. This verbiage ambiguously avoids responsibility for the acts to follow. The stage is set so that as audience members approach– out of their own fruition– and bite into the treats they become aware of the disgusting act they've become implicit in; Being greeted by a revolting taste as they discover that the rolls have been modified. The piece seeks to reveal the disgusting nature of fetishizing people for their gender, sexuality, race etc. by deceiving the participants about the “treat” before them. Emphasizing the ignorant nature of the act of fetished consumption.

HarmedSelf_NegativeSheet_UPL

HarmedSelf_4_UPL

HarmedSelf_1B&W_UPL

HarmedSelf_NegativeSheet_UPL

1/4

"Harmed Self"

2022

Performance with a plaster cast of the artists torso, groin, & chest, large nails, hot water, and force documented through digital recording

Dysphoria is a feeling of bodily disconnection to ones gender and can cause many different forms of difficulty and pain in gender-queer and trans individuals lives. This condition has affected my mental, physical and emotional well-being from a very early age to current day. It is in this performance that I sought to document specific physical areas of distress through enacted violence upon the region in the form of punching nails; The density of this decimation quickly became directly linked to my personal relationship to those areas and the level of dysphoria that radiates from them

“We’re Not Your Rose-Tinted Daydream”

2022

Altered Metal & Found Object Construct with Inkjet Photo Documentation & Plaster Cast Masks

Performed by:

tiny –They/She–, ambrose –He/They–, Love –They/Them–

In this piece, “We’re Not Your Rose-Tinted Daydream,” performers implicate the viewer as the voyeur that they are in order to open a discussion about the fetishization and invalidation of queer intimacy. The performance utilizes iconography that signifies nature and the natural while performing acts of queer intimacy from behind a curtain that separates the viewer from the scene so that they are perpetually in the position of the voyeur. While on the flip-side the performers are veiled in the purity of their acts from within. Together these aspects inflict the idea of a “rose tinted glass” and make the viewer the administer of this skewed external lens and the structure the chamber occupies synonymous with the oppressing construct that is the cis-hetero patriarchy.

When the performance is not taking place viewers will find abstract documentations of queer intimacy alongside relics from the aforementioned performance contained on the wall adjacent to the chamber. These artifacts will be accompanied by a copy of the works exploratory essay for viewer consumption.

The Heterosexist devaluing of queer identity and queer love lives as an ever looming threat for queer peoples and serves as an upsetting daily truth for us in the community.

WNYRTD_GalleryDocumentation_01

WNYRTD_GalleryDocumentation_04

WNYRTD_GalleryDocumentation_02

WNYRTD_GalleryDocumentation_01

1/4

"Barbie En-(v//b)-y"

2021

Digital Photography, Video Performance, and Plastic Aspirations

Growing up I played quite often with my little sister, we had a great time playing together with her Barbies and Littlest Pet Shop, with her elusive promises of playing Pokémon or Legos with me at a later time. Being raised and perceived as Male in my early years, these hours spent with my sister and her dolls was one of my first and most formative experiences with my appeal to femininity, traditionally feminine ideals, fashion, and form; Barbie in particular played a big role in this.

Thinking back to these integral years and the impact Barbie had on my subconscious concepts of feminine performance, one thought began to resurface. Not only had Barbie offered a nod to my feminine tendencies and character, but had also been a catalyst for my lust of the genderless self. Growing up queer the hours I spent in utter fascination over the lack of Barbie’s genital presence are immeasurable, and the idea of being without sex defining characteristics quickly became something I lusted for. Barbie served to validate this, and so after 13 odd years I’ve begun to explore and dissect the impact and relation of Barbie to some of my earliest experiences as a Trans-Nonbinary individual. Through depictions of Barbie’s flat groin and the ritualistic process of tucking (a means of concealing genitalia via restrictive application usually in the form of a heavy duty adhesive or special undergarments), I seek to visually deconstruct the impact Mattel’s #1 selling dolls had, and has had, on my identity and desires.

Tucking is one of many gender affirming acts utilized within the Queer community and was one of my first means of granting myself some semblance of comfort of mind. First discovering this means of concealment in early high school, this form of early exploration of my identity acted as an affirmation of self and a rite of passage into my ongoing exploration of gender and finally, in some ways, allowed me to achieve the sexless appearance I had subconsciously strived for since a young age.

I am happy to share that the tucking recorded in this piece was my first in nearly a year since starting my medically affirming journey. Not all Trans, Nonbinary, or Queer individuals are lucky enough to find themselves with the same support those like myself have been blessed enough to find, and not all of us bind or tuck (but if you do please be careful, know your limits, and drink some water love), but all of us are just as human and loveable as the next. This project was a huge step in finding comfort in showcasing a very real and vulnerable part of myself, and it was scary, but I hope that through my work I may have provided some further insight into the daily struggles faced by myself and other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.